The Problem with Buses in Marbella

The worst thing for the people living in the Marbella area who like me get the bus to work is the influx of sixty somethings coming here on holiday. The problem is that most of these tourists don't get buses usually and do not have any concern for those of us living and working here. The main problem areas seem to be on the 27 route: Estepona, Isdabe, San Pedro and Puerto Banus.

Bus stops in Estepona and Marbella

In Estepona the tourists don't realise you pay for your ticket in the bus station ticket office. This means we have to wait for the tourists to queue up and get the ticket after being sent there by the driver.

In Isdabe the tourists get on in large 10 - 30 people groups. They do not have, or expect to need the correct bus fares. Added to this they do not know where to get off the bus. They do not attempt to speak Spanish and expect the bus driver to know German/Norwegian/Dutch/English/French.

In San Pedro people tend to get on with babies in pushchairs. Well, we're not in England now - you have to fold the buggy and carry the child. There is usually a fight of some kind. Also here quite often someone has tried to pay the short bus fare and here we have to all get out our tickets while the driver counts heads and finds the culprit. Yes, unlike other bus companies Portillo are advanced enough to have a computer system to give a correlation between bus stop and passengers.

Puerto Banus Bus Stop

And then the crown in bus hell is Puerto Banus. Every day I have to tell bunches of scared (yes scared) pensioners where to get off the bus. The problem is of course sometimes the driver doesn't stop even if you ring the bell and you get the carajillo chorus of locals calling out to the driver to stop. Then we have the ones who don't know how to cross the road to the Puerto Banus to Estepona stop. Only the other day I found myself calling out to two Japanese tourists who were within a hair's distance of being run over as they stood on the barrier in the centre of the motorway . "Muy peligroso! Tontas!" laughed the local ladies next to me as one girl closely dodged a lorry going at about 80km/h. And so we started shouting, " Abajo. abajo!" pointing to the undepass where you walk to get to the bus stop. Ten minutes later two Catalan OAPs were in the same position. And so it begins again "Abajo, abajo". The Spanish would probably film a tourist getting run over on their phone, so don't expect sympathy. So watch yourself, and act like the intelligent person you think you are.

Oh and the underpass. Yes, the narrow tiny pavement. Two OAP (I call them Cocoons) were walking down when I had my wheelie case with me. They tried to stay on the pavement with me! A note: You can walk in the road here, nothing will happen to you. In fact, it's normal. So I hope you enjoyed catching your elbows on my suitcase, you dummies.

So now I have to leave an hour early as the buses become unreliable again. I heard a tourist saying, " Apparently the buses come when they want to." Funny that they run on time to the second when the tourists aren't around!

Please take note that some of us are being made late for work by your somehow simple behaviour.

Basic Bus Survival Marbella and Estepona, Malaga

1. Have the exact bus fare ready and know how to say the destination name clearly and loudly. If there is more than one of you, say the number of people (Learn this) followed by "para" then your destination. For example, "Dos para Estepona" Learn it in Spanish.

The bus fares went up on Jan 15, but the common ones are:
Benamara/Isdabe to Marbella/Puerto Banus is 1.91 Euros.
Estepona to Marbella/Puerto Banus is 2.77 Euros
Estepona to San Pedro is 1.61 euros.

2. Puerto Banus counts as Marbella so you can just ask for Marbella. Get off the stop after you see the Casino blue sign on the left. You should see the Hotel Pyr and Cortes Ingles looming on the right. The bus driver may shout out San Pedro and Puerto Banus, but you might not recognise the way they say them in Andalucian dialect. Sounds more like Sanpedra and Puertabanu.

3. Speak Spanish. You're in Spain. It's ignorant to speak your own language.

4. Fold buggies and always get on at the front and always get off at the back doors, whatever.

5. No eating or drinking. It stinks and the driver may stop the bus.

6. Expect music and music phones. Don't complain - you're on holiday! This is a latin culture. We like music.

7. To get to the centre of Marbella don't get off at the last stop - the bus station is miles from the centre. get off at the Bruno restaurant in town. You will see it on your right. If you go past Burger King, get off at the next stop.

8. To get to Puerto Banus, walk down the slope from the bus stop and walk straight forward. You will come to the port quickest this way.

And finally:

9. Please, men, don't wear shorts and baseball caps. It looks ridiculous. Nobody over 9 years old wears shorts and baseball caps here. And enough with the hands behind the back presidential inspection walk. You look demented. A 60-something guy wearing short shorts, a baseball cap carrying two large stones from the beach approached me the other day to ask a question. It really frightened me. Would you talk to a guy in shorts carrying large stones in any other circumstance?

10. Please, ladies, don't wear sun visors. It hurts my brain. And stop looking so scared. And red.

You can find the Portillo bus timetables here:

MARBELLA BUSES